The renewal of the vows and more

A Service of Blessing for Toby and Kam Cox

On Saturday 21st January Toby and Kam renewed their wedding vows. The ceremony had  been hastily arranged but I was able to make it.
A day room was set aside for the purpose. It was just big enough for the number of guests that attended which was 20 or near about. And what a lovely ceremony it was. There was love, laughter and song. Some wine and food but also a specially made cake.

Toby and Kam .

cutting of the cake

The pastor who agreed to lead the vow renewal proceedings was from the food bank that Toby was part of. Toby's faith is something he found comforting after he had his first tumour operation 5 years ago.His friends that I met there from both the church and outside of it were very nice. Another blessing was that it was a lovely sunny day and the room was lit up with light.
Chris the pastor did a great job of keeping the ceremony just right,not too long but with bible reading,prayers the vows , The Lords Prayer, hymn and closing blessing. I am glad for them and happy I was there.
One of the things that Toby used to volunteer for was to help out at a food bank for needy people. He thought of others before himself and I am really proud about that. He loved playing drums at the church each week , it was a source of great happiness for him.
Kam has been  there for Toby to help him go through this and one can only imagine the stress of it, but what a lovely gesture to co create this special day.

How is Toby ?

Toby sitting up in a wheelchair

Toby has been seeing many visitors and I thank all those that have been to see him and those that will see him before he slips away from us. I mentioned it before, but he gets very confused and has very little short term memory.  We think he has dreams about situations and believes that they have happened. He told us that he had been out with a visitor friend of his and went to a farm that had rare animal breeds.
This is all part of his deterioration which we were told would happen. Maybe not quite like that though. Ben and I allow him to believe some of the things he thinks are going on but we have had some difficult conversations with him.
He is fighting to get back to a state where he can walk again and to be at home and of course that is good but he cannot understand why there is so little help from the staff and carers to achieve that. On the other hand we know that his time is limited and realistically he will never do what he wants. Its hard to admire his fight but also be honest with him regarding his prospects. This is what pulls me apart inside .

Ben

I mentioned my son Ben earlier and I want to tell you all that he has been an absolute rock through all of this. He has remained level headed and kept his banter with Toby lighthearted and amusing whenever he visits him. He has been very supportive of me and is a real loving component to this journey we are on He has me very proud and feel much closer to him now. He is in his power and that is a great thing to see.

My Hope Did Not Want To Believe His Tumour Would Return

Five years ago Toby had an operation for his tumour. He recovered after I thought I would lose him. I thought of it as a miracle that he had survived it and I refused to believe it would ever return. He was having scans every 6 months and all was good. 

Looking back I was hopeful but in denial of the facts. He had a very aggressive tumour and  the doctors back then said he could live for maybe another 5 years. I guess I hoped it would be more but in the meantime I forgot all of that. 

Now I wish that we would have done more and been more aware of the importance of nutrition,alternative cancer killing foods and holistic medicines. Some sufferers claim they have staved off cancer with some of those ,one of which is CBD oil from the hemp plant.

I am not criticizing conventional medical practices here but I think there is a good chance that we could have staved  off the return, if not completely eliminated it.

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